Where I stand.

Sunday morning. I was helping a friend out today teach the 4 year olds at church during the 8:30am Sunday School hour. Halfway through class I excused myself to go to the restroom and saw what any pregnant girl fears for. I went to get Matt out of SS class and broke into tears telling him. We called the DR immediately and she said since I did not have cramping to try to relax the rest of the day and come in first thing in the morning to their office for an ultrasound. Matt and I are sitting in church holding each other and I can't stop thinking, "I've been under too much stress with situation "x"" and "I shouldn't have moved those things yesterday, I pushed myself way too hard," "I haven't been eating like I should.", "I should have been drinking more water." All things I should have done differently or better to have prevented this - if "this" is what it is. It's funny how you can be in church, God's place of worship, and be overcome with guilt in an instant.

After we spoke to the Dr, I told Matt I wanted to go sit in the chapel - where we have our service at 9:45am and listen to the band prepare for our worship service. I cried more walking there and tried to "contain myself" but knew if I left church, I wouldn't be facing the One person I knew who would get us through this. If you (whoever is reading this) do not have a relationship with our Savior, Jesus Christ, I am telling you now that your life is not complete. I will not know until tomorrow morning where we stand with our pregnancy, but I know our Lord is faithful. Matt told me that anything that comes our way, we'll be able to handle it because we have Christ on our side and He'll carry us through. I had several dear, dear friends come up to me and though they didn't know exactly what was wrong, told me we were in their prayers. My sweet friend, Dawn, (I call her "my Paul" because she's my older friend who has a lot more wisdom and guidance than I do!) waved at me when she walked into the service and I smiled and waved back. She came to me at the end of the service and said, "Erin, the spark is not in your eyes, I've been praying for you. What's wrong?" She prayed with me right then and there. Just knowing that God is loving on us is SUCH a comfort. I have a very uneasy feeling for the outcome tomorrow morning. That's not to say that I do not have faith. I do. I have faith that if He is to work it out now, He will and if it is not meant to be right now, He won't. I sure hope He does though!!! And God knows that. We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him. Romans 8:28.

I'm just so thankful to have a God who cares for us and will carry us through anything that comes our way.